I could have never been prepared for what 2024 had in store for me. The past year has left me spinning in a state of disorientation, confusion and dissociation. I’ve arrived at various crossroads for different areas in life, leaving me with incessant self-inquisition and a dimming flame.
What has been one of my absolute worst nightmares for several years now finally came true in September. My immediate family and I suffered a tremendous loss. To keep this as succinctly as I possibly can, I lost an extremely close family member - someone so very dear to me that my mind still refuses to process the reality (and permanence) of the situation. Several months have passed, and still none of it feels real.
I still find myself waking up at random points during the wee hours of the morning, only for my brain to “reboot” and suddenly remember what happened all over again. It still feels like I didn’t have much of an opportunity to truly grasp everything after it was all over. Most of the funeral and burial plans ended up falling onto my shoulders, therefore I had to somehow muster what little I had in me to remain stoic during this process. Thankfully, services went [mostly] smoothly. It was all so beautiful. It was the celebration of life and the cherishment of his memory that he very much deserved.
I have to keep going. I don’t know how, but I just know that I must. It is what he would want for me to do. “Never give up. Sigue adelante.”
“I’m proud of you.”